Now because someone on our team cannot remember passwords.. (cough cough) And I was on vacation the newsletter never actually was sent. If you would like to see what you missed you can see it here
Anyways .. On to the Jokes
Greeting Cards you will never see (unfortunately)...
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:...
What was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day!....
Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful as you....
have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love....
After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life....
I never believed in Hell until I met you."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....
that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!....
I never knew what evil was before this!"
"Before you go,....
I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get married....
but not to you."
"You look great for your age....
Almost Lifelike!"
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me....
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend....
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
"We have been friends for a very long time....
What do you say we call it quits?"
"I'm so miserable without you....
It's almost like you're here."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
Did you ever find out who the father was?"
"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday....
So we're having you put to sleep."
"Your kisses are sweet, your hugs are passionate....
But compared to your sister, they're only second rate."
Advantages of being over 50.
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
9. You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with the elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
21. You can't remember who sent you this.
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