DailyHaHa Mailing List 6/23/2006
Favorite Links of the Week
Check out our new Discussion Forums
Videos:
Speed Stripping!!: This guy can get his cloths off in the blink of an eye.
Fat female Bullies: 3 Fat chicks beat the crap out of some guy, this is hiarious !!!.
Flash Games:
Cuberous : Very cool strategry/skill game.
Paper Plane: Great brainless game perfect for a friday.
Animation:
Ill will hates slang : Illwill press back again this week with another hilarious rant. Leave some comments on our forum to tell us what you think.
--Jokes--
Things you would never know without movies.. .
During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.
The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - noone will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.
How to Write Good
Always avoid alliteration.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid clichés like the plague -- they're old hat.
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
Parenthentical words however must be enclosed in commas.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary.
Do not use a foreign word when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.
Avoid archaeic spellings too.
Understatement is always best.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
One word- sentences? Eliminate. Always!
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice should not be used.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors -- even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Don't use commas, that, are not, necessary.
Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
Never use a big word where a diminutive alternative would suffice.
Subject and verb always has to agree.
Be more or less specific.
Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispelling and to catch typograhpical errers.
Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
Don't be redundant.
Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
Don't never use no double negatives.
Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
Eschew obfuscation.
No sentence fragments.
Don't indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
A writer must not shift your point of view.
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
Always pick on the correct idiom.
The adverb always follows the verb.
And always be sure to finish what
