Two blondes walked into a building the other day... you would have thought that at least one of them would have seen it!!
Is the blinker working
Two blondes were driving down the road. The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''
A lady tells to the nurse at the maternity hospital: - I think I will call my little newborn Anna. Doctor: - Sorry, that name is already taken, but you can name her Anna532 or Anna_153. Read more at http://www.funny-jokes-quotes.com/top-10-jokes.html#d6uPXMprx8rhF2vx.99
Blonde walks into a shoe store.
"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200″ – he replied. "That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn’t, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There’s a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don’t you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn’t have any shoes either!"
My kid threatened to hold his breath
My kid threatened to hold his breath until i gave him dessert. He's now passed out on the floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists.
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting strange. We went to a nice restaurant for dinner. I thought he was upset by the fact that I was a bit late, but he said nothing about it. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was something I had done. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, and again he said nothing. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm sure his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. Husband's Diary: Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.
Barry worked at the coal mine.
One day he was leaving work with a wheelbarrow which had a box on it. The guard, looking at him suspiciously, stopped him and asked, "What's inside that box?" Barry: "Nothing" The guard opened the box, saw it was empty and let Barry go. The next day the same thing happened. This kept going on for about a month, until some day when the guard stopped Barry and said, "Look, Barry. I know you're up to something. I think you're stealing something, but I don't know what. Just tell me what it is that you're doing, and I promise to let you go." Barry: "Every day I steal a new wheelbarrow. I use the box as a disguise."
Men are polite
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts
How do you make Holy Water ? You boil the hell out of it.