Cynics Guide to Life...
DailyHaHa Mailing List - 1/13/2006
Hello all .. here it is..
Favorite Links of the Week
VIDEOS:
Sissy fight – Extreme sissys duke it out and slap like girls !!!.
Man with no Legs Dances– Simply Amazing.
ANIMATION: -
Stress Buster –This animation supposedly relieves stress (or not).
Cynics Guide to Life...
--The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
--I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and...
--Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
--Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
--Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.
--If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.
--If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
--When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
--It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
--A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone
--That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
--Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the "whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the- fridge-is" group.
--Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
--Just remember... You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car!
--When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers... and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.
--This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.
--It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
--Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel...it's cheaper than plastic surgery.
--This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.
--Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.
Exercise.
1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month.
2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97 and we don't know where the hell she is.
3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
4. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
5. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.
6. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
7. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
8. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
9. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
10. If you are going to try cross country skiing, start with a small country.
Some more of this past weeks Pictures incase you missed them !
