Signs you are out of college
-- You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close.
-- Your potted plants stay alive.
-- You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill.
-- Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces.
-- You attend parties that the police don't raid.
-- You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking.
-- You refer to college students as "those kids."
-- You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer.
-- You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza.
-- At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out.
-- Naps are no longer weekday options.
-- Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy.
-- Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips.
-- You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.
Birds and Bees posted: 10/20/2014
Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."
Definition posted: 10/17/2014
The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"
The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?
Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."
"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."
Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."
Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"
The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"
Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."
Nun law school posted: 10/15/2014
What do you call a nun who just passed her bar exam?
Rejected Science Fair Projects posted: 10/14/2014
-- just HOW poisonous are poisonous snakes?
-- Which household products are most flammable?
-- Which hurts more: falling off the slide or being pushed off the slide?
-- Which tools are sharper: kitchen or garage?
-- can sharks hunt a human?
-- What happens if I stick my hand in this?
-- HOW many ways can you break an arm over summer vacation?
-- HOW many goldfish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
-- can dogs fly?
Make a Sentence posted: 10/10/2014
Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.
Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."
Math Book posted: 10/8/2014
Q: Why is the math book always upset?
A: Because it has a lot of problems.
Honest Lawyer posted: 10/6/2014
What do you call an honest lawyer?
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