Chinese Sick Day
posted: 9/5/2010
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon... You got nice house."
Blonde Parents posted: 9/2/2010
Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."
Twenty Bucks posted: 8/30/2010
"Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not!" answered his mother. "If you do," Little Johnny went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? what did he say?" "He said, 'Hey, Juanita, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'"
Yo Mama's Teeth Pt 2 posted: 8/26/2010
When I looked at Yo mama's teeth, I didn't know whether to smile or to kick a field goal.
Yo mama's teeth are so black, it looks like she's been eatin' coal.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she has to brush them with a butter knife.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she can butter a whole loaf of bread.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she slows down traffic when she smiles.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she drinks water it turns into lemonade.
Gay Parrot posted: 8/24/2010
One day this gay homosexual decides he'd like to have a new pet and goes to the local pet store.
Looking around he sees a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"
"Of course I can. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the $400.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $30.00; just make an offer."
The guy offers thirty bucks and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."
"What?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your gay lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your gay lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.
"Oh My Goodness!" the guy says. "Then what happened?"
"Then he pulled down his briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...
"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic homosexual.
"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."
Proud Texan Father posted: 8/23/2010
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"
"Yup, shore am!"
"How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."
The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"
Mommy, is God Black or White? posted: 8/22/2010
One day Little Johnny walks up to his Mom and says, "Mommy, is God Black or White?"
She replies, "Well, Honey, God is both Black and White."
Then he says, "Mommy, is God a boy or a girl?"
"God is both a boy and a girl, Honey," she replies.
"Mommy, is God gay or straight?" he inquires again.
Getting a little irritated, the mother replies, "Well, Honey, God is both gay and straight."
After thinking for a moment, Johnny looks up and asks, "Mommy, is God Michael Jackson?"
Corny Pick-Up Lines posted: 8/19/2010
Alright ladies, I admit... men have said some pretty corny things to break the ice. Pick-up lines have become somewhat of a novelty, only the coolest guys use them now (kidding). At any rate, here ar ethe top 10 corniest pickup lines I've ever heard (in no particular order). Ladies or Gents - feel free to add your own in the comments section.
* I’ve heard sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?
* If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
* You must be the reason for global warming because you're hot.
* Is your name Gillette? Cause baby you’re the best a man can get!
* The body is made up of 90% water and I’m thirsty.
* If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together.
* You might as well sleep with me because I'm gonna tell everyone we did anyway!
* Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?
* What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.
* Are you an overdue book? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you!
Next Page - 8 More Jokes
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her I want sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon... You got nice house."
Blonde Parents posted: 9/2/2010
Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."
Twenty Bucks posted: 8/30/2010
"Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not!" answered his mother. "If you do," Little Johnny went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? what did he say?" "He said, 'Hey, Juanita, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'"
Yo Mama's Teeth Pt 2 posted: 8/26/2010
When I looked at Yo mama's teeth, I didn't know whether to smile or to kick a field goal.
Yo mama's teeth are so black, it looks like she's been eatin' coal.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she has to brush them with a butter knife.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she can butter a whole loaf of bread.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she slows down traffic when she smiles.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she drinks water it turns into lemonade.
Gay Parrot posted: 8/24/2010
One day this gay homosexual decides he'd like to have a new pet and goes to the local pet store.
Looking around he sees a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"
"Of course I can. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the $400.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $30.00; just make an offer."
The guy offers thirty bucks and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."
"What?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your gay lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your gay lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.
"Oh My Goodness!" the guy says. "Then what happened?"
"Then he pulled down his briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...
"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic homosexual.
"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."
Proud Texan Father posted: 8/23/2010
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"
"Yup, shore am!"
"How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."
The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"
Mommy, is God Black or White? posted: 8/22/2010
One day Little Johnny walks up to his Mom and says, "Mommy, is God Black or White?"
She replies, "Well, Honey, God is both Black and White."
Then he says, "Mommy, is God a boy or a girl?"
"God is both a boy and a girl, Honey," she replies.
"Mommy, is God gay or straight?" he inquires again.
Getting a little irritated, the mother replies, "Well, Honey, God is both gay and straight."
After thinking for a moment, Johnny looks up and asks, "Mommy, is God Michael Jackson?"
Corny Pick-Up Lines posted: 8/19/2010
Alright ladies, I admit... men have said some pretty corny things to break the ice. Pick-up lines have become somewhat of a novelty, only the coolest guys use them now (kidding). At any rate, here ar ethe top 10 corniest pickup lines I've ever heard (in no particular order). Ladies or Gents - feel free to add your own in the comments section.
* I’ve heard sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?
* If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
* You must be the reason for global warming because you're hot.
* Is your name Gillette? Cause baby you’re the best a man can get!
* The body is made up of 90% water and I’m thirsty.
* If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together.
* You might as well sleep with me because I'm gonna tell everyone we did anyway!
* Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?
* What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.
* Are you an overdue book? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you!
Next Page - 8 More Jokes
