Birds and Bees posted: 10/20/2014Printable Version


Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asks what's wrong.

"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."



Definition posted: 10/17/2014Printable Version


The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"

The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?

Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."

"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."

Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."

The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."

Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"

The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"

Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."



Nun law school posted: 10/15/2014Printable Version


What do you call a nun who just passed her bar exam?
A sister-in-law.



Rejected Science Fair Projects posted: 10/14/2014Printable Version


-- just HOW poisonous are poisonous snakes?
-- Which household products are most flammable?
-- Which hurts more: falling off the slide or being pushed off the slide?
-- Which tools are sharper: kitchen or garage?
-- can sharks hunt a human?
-- What happens if I stick my hand in this?
-- HOW many ways can you break an arm over summer vacation?
-- HOW many goldfish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
-- can dogs fly?



Make a Sentence posted: 10/10/2014Printable Version


Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."



Math Book posted: 10/8/2014Printable Version


Q: Why is the math book always upset?
A: Because it has a lot of problems.



Honest Lawyer posted: 10/6/2014Printable Version


What do you call an honest lawyer?
An oxymoron.



Good day at work posted: 10/3/2014Printable Version


Q: How do you know when it's going to be a good day at work?

A: When you see your boss' picture on the side of the milk carton.



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