Holy Water

Posted: 7/29/2015

How do you make Holy Water ? You boil the hell out of it.

Genius vs Idiot

Posted: 7/15/2015

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" The idiot hands over $5.

Get out of a ticket

Posted: 7/10/2015

A police officer stops a car for speeding. "I'm sorry, but I have to give you a ticket. However, I won't fine you if you solve this riddle." says the officer. The man in the car accepts. "Okay then. It's nighttime, you're on a road and you see two lights approaching. What is it?" "A car", promptly answers the man. "That's too vague-", says the officer, "it can be any kind of car. I'll have to give you a ticket." "No!", says the man, "give me another chance." The officer agrees and says: "It's nighttime, you're on a road and you see a single light approaching. What is it?" "A motorbike", answers the man. "That's too vague-", answers again the officer, "it can be any kind of motorbike. I'm sorry but you failed again." "Oh come on! Give me a last chance!" says the man. The officer agrees again and says: "It's nighttime, you're on a road and you see two low and wide-apart lights. What is it?" "A truck", answers the man. But again, the officer says it's "too vague". So the man goes: "Considering that we're playing games, may I give you a riddle too?" "Okay" says the officer. The man proceeds then to tell: "It's nighttime, you're on a road and you see a flickering light. Close to it there is a young woman dressed in a revealing outfit. What is it?" "A whore", says the officer. "Too vague!", says the man, "It could be your mom, your sister, your wife..."

Blind Girlfriend

Posted: 7/6/2015

Broke up with my blind girlfriend She didn't see it coming

Hellen Keller

Posted: 7/1/2015

Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller fall off a cliff? She had mittens on.

broke up with my girlfriend who had a lazy eye

Posted: 6/29/2015

Turns out she was seeing someone on the side.

Five Horses

Posted: 6/25/2015

A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name. He replied, "She is called Five Horses". The man said, "That's an unusual name for a wife. What does it mean?" The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian name. It mean ..." "NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"

There Once Was A Poet Named Bates

Posted: 6/22/2015

His poems weren't always first rate, His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had, Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.

A woman will appear on the $10 bill!!

Posted: 6/19/2015

It will be the first $10 bill to be worth $7.50

Life is like a box of chocolates

Posted: 6/18/2015

It doesn't last as long for fat people.

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