A blonde tries to solve a puzzle

Posted: 12/13/2016

A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can't seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies "I've been working on the puzzle forever but can't figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger." The husband shakes his head and says "honey put the Frosted Flakes back in the box"

Friends are like Snowflakes ...

Posted: 12/9/2016

...if you pee on them they go away

Never go shopping when you are hungry.

Posted: 12/6/2016

but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier.

Turn the tomatoes red

Posted: 11/17/2016

A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" He replies, "Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much." The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, "How did it go? Did you tomatoes turn red?" "No," she replies, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

Hiding from the cops

Posted: 10/28/2016

A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us." So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down. The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!" The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, they'll never find us!" So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets. So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF." "It's just a damn dog!" yelled the cop. The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW." "It's just a damn cat," yelled the cop. The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, "POTATOES!"

an $8 bill

Posted: 10/12/2016

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change. The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

Blonde Burns

Posted: 10/6/2016

A blonde goes to the doctor with burns on both of her ears and her right hand. "Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor. "I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear." "'What about the other ear and your hand?" the doctor asked. She replied, "I tried to call for an ambulance."

Gained some weight

Posted: 10/3/2016

I quit smoking cigarettes about a year ago. I gained 18 pounds. So, now I have to wear a lot of black so no one knows what a big hunk of pig I turned into. No matter what I do, I cannot lose this 18 pounds. It's really starting to kick my ass. I mean I have tried everything short of diet and exercise.

Yo Momma

Posted: 9/26/2016

Yo' mama so stupid, she walked into an antique shop and asked, "What's new?" I could have been your daddy, but the line was too long. Yo mama so fat, her portrait fell off the wall Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook Yo mama's so fat, she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops Yo mama's so fat, her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.

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