Tonight, I thought my husband was acting strange. We went to a nice restaurant for dinner. I thought he was upset by the fact that I was a bit late, but he said nothing about it. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was something I had done. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, and again he said nothing. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm sure his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. Husband's Diary: Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.
Barry worked at the coal mine.
One day he was leaving work with a wheelbarrow which had a box on it. The guard, looking at him suspiciously, stopped him and asked, "What's inside that box?" Barry: "Nothing" The guard opened the box, saw it was empty and let Barry go. The next day the same thing happened. This kept going on for about a month, until some day when the guard stopped Barry and said, "Look, Barry. I know you're up to something. I think you're stealing something, but I don't know what. Just tell me what it is that you're doing, and I promise to let you go." Barry: "Every day I steal a new wheelbarrow. I use the box as a disguise."
Men are polite
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts
How do you make Holy Water ? You boil the hell out of it.
Genius vs Idiot
A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" The idiot hands over $5.
Get out of a ticket
A police officer stops a car for speeding. "I'm sorry, but I have to give you a ticket. However, I won't fine you if you solve this riddle." says the officer. The man in the car accepts. "Okay then. It's nighttime, you're on a road and you see two lights approaching. What is it?" "A car", promptly answers the man. "That's too vague-", says the officer, "it can be any kind of car. I'll have to give you a ticket." "No!", says the man, "give me another chance." The officer agrees and says: "It's nighttime, you're on a road and you see a single light approaching. What is it?" "A motorbike", answers the man. "That's too vague-", answers again the officer, "it can be any kind of motorbike. I'm sorry but you failed again." "Oh come on! Give me a last chance!" says the man. The officer agrees again and says: "It's nighttime, you're on a road and you see two low and wide-apart lights. What is it?" "A truck", answers the man. But again, the officer says it's "too vague". So the man goes: "Considering that we're playing games, may I give you a riddle too?" "Okay" says the officer. The man proceeds then to tell: "It's nighttime, you're on a road and you see a flickering light. Close to it there is a young woman dressed in a revealing outfit. What is it?" "A whore", says the officer. "Too vague!", says the man, "It could be your mom, your sister, your wife..."
Broke up with my blind girlfriend She didn't see it coming
Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller fall off a cliff? She had mittens on.
broke up with my girlfriend who had a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone on the side.