You know what they say?

Posted: 4/27/2015

If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving is not for you.

Salad For Dinner

Posted: 4/24/2015

Last night I had a salad for dinner. It was a fruit salad and had grapes. Lots of grapes. It was all grapes. It was wine

I told my friends

Posted: 4/21/2015

I told my friends I had a date with a really attractive girl... they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too.

fishing without a permit.

Posted: 4/17/2015

a young man is found fishing near a pond by a police officer. his bucket of fish is full. cop: do you have your fishing permit on you young man? fisherman: no sir. they're my fish. i brought them from home. cop:what do you mean brought them from home? fisherman:every day i come here and let the fish swim in the pond and then i call them back. cop:what? how? fisherman: i whistle at them and they jump back into the bucket. cop: show me. at this point the young man empties his bucket and stands still. cop: so! fisherman:so what? cop: call on the fish!! fisherman:what fish?

Son told his dad he loves the girl next door.

Posted: 4/14/2015

"Son, you can't love her. She's my secret daughter with another wife." "But dad, what about the other girl next next door?" "Sorry, son. She's also my secret daughter with the other wife." Son walks away with tears in his eyes after knowing the truth. Mom heard it all and approaches to him "Honey, you can love the girls next door if you want to. You're not your dad's son anyway."

3 syllable word

Posted: 4/7/2015

Teacher asks her class if anyone can tell her a three syllable word. After several guesses from other classmates, little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher reluctantly calls upon Johnny. "Urinate" says Johnny. "Correct" the teacher replies. "Can you now use it in a sentence?" Johnny replies with, "Urinate, but if your tits were bigger you'd be a ten".

3 lunatics

Posted: 4/3/2015

Three lunatics approach their Asylum doctor with a request for a weekend pass to the local city. "That's impossible says the doctor. You're all nuts. You'll get lost and never come back." But, the lunatics wouldn't relent until finally, exasperated, and the doctor says "OK! If you can answer a simple question I'll sign the pass." He turns to the first lunatic and says "What's three times three?" The lunatic starts counting on his fingers "3, 7, 19, 38?. Is it 128?" The doctor shakes his head and turns to the next lunatic: "What's three times three?" The lunatic immediately shouts "WEDNESDAY!" The doctor, beginning to get disgusted turns to the last lunatic: "What's three times three?" The lunatic thinks for a moment and then asks for a pencil and a piece of paper. That provided, he writes for some time furiously, and finally looks up and says "Nine." The doctor is amazed, but true to his word he begins filling out the pass. As he's writing he says "This is incredible, you've always been thoroughly insane. How'd you do it?" The lunatic responds, "Oh, it was easy I divided 128 by Wednesday!"

When 2 people have sex it's called a twosome

Posted: 3/27/2015

When 2 people have sex it's called a twosome. When 3 people do it it's called a threesome, I guess that's why they call me handsome...

I hate when people ask me what I see myself doing

Posted: 3/24/2015

I hate when people ask me what I see myself doing in 5 years...... I don't have 2020 vision

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