Coca Casino

Posted: 2/10/2016

A blonde walked up to a coke machine, put in a dollar, and got out a coke. She then put in another dollar, and got another coke. Again and again, she put in more and more dollars and got out more and more cokes. As she was doing this, a man came and stood behind her. he tapped her on her shoulder, and said "What on earth are you doing?" She replied angrily " Shut up! Cant you see im winning?!"

Jesus walks into a restaurant...

Posted: 2/3/2016

And says to the Maitre'd "Table for 26 please" Confused, the Maitre'd does a quick head count, and says "But there are only 13 of you." Jesus replies "Yes, but we are all going to sit on the same side"

A pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane

Posted: 1/27/2016

"Thank you for flying with us this morning. The weather is....." Then suddenly he starts screaming while he is still on the mic, "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! IT'S BURNING!!!" A ghostly silence reigned. He gets back on the microphone and says, "I sincerely apologize for the incident, but I just dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap.. you should see my pants!" One passenger shouts back, "WHY DON'T YOU COME HERE AND SEE OURS!!!"

Standing at the bar at an International Airport

Posted: 1/13/2016

when this small Chinese guy walks in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer. I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?" He says "No, why the f*** you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?" "No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick."

Blonde Handyman

Posted: 1/1/2016

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Blonde Ice Fishing

Posted: 11/20/2015

There once was a blonde who had always heard about ice fishing, so one day she tried it. She went to an icy area, cut a hole, and started fishing. All of a sudden, she hears a voice. “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She ignores it and moves to another area, cutting a hole, and beginning to fish again. Again she hears the booming voice. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!" She is starting to get freaked out now. "Lord? Is that you?" she asks. In reply she hears, "NO, THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!"

Mans guide to what a woman is really saying

Posted: 11/12/2015

A MAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING: I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. .... without you in it. DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? We haven't had a fight in a while. NO, PIZZA'S FINE. .... you cheap slob! I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW. I just don't want you as a boyfriend now. I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? I can't believe you have nothing planned. COME HERE. My puppy does this, too. I LIKE YOU, BUT... I don't like you. YOU NEVER LISTEN. You never listen. I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE. I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will. OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch. OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!! Well, near there; I just want to get this over with. I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. We're gonna make fun of you and your friends.

Birthdays are good for your health

Posted: 11/9/2015

Birthdays are good for your health - Studies have shown if you have more birthdays, you live longer.

Lawyer Tomb

Posted: 11/8/2015

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

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