Blonde Ice Fishing
There once was a blonde who had always heard about ice fishing, so one day she tried it. She went to an icy area, cut a hole, and started fishing. All of a sudden, she hears a voice. â€œTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She ignores it and moves to another area, cutting a hole, and beginning to fish again. Again she hears the booming voice. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!" She is starting to get freaked out now. "Lord? Is that you?" she asks. In reply she hears, "NO, THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!"
Mans guide to what a woman is really saying
A MAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING: I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. .... without you in it. DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? We haven't had a fight in a while. NO, PIZZA'S FINE. .... you cheap slob! I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW. I just don't want you as a boyfriend now. I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? I can't believe you have nothing planned. COME HERE. My puppy does this, too. I LIKE YOU, BUT... I don't like you. YOU NEVER LISTEN. You never listen. I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE. I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will. OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch. OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!! Well, near there; I just want to get this over with. I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. We're gonna make fun of you and your friends.
Birthdays are good for your health
Birthdays are good for your health - Studies have shown if you have more birthdays, you live longer.
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
Laywyer is greedy
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.< When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined. "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!", retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!" "Oh no!", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. "Where's my Rolex???!!!"
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Dog or Wife
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Leaving work early
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
Study about women
There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting. 85% of women think their ass has grown too big since getting married.. 10% of women think their ass is just as big as it was when they got married.. The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.
A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, "Do you sell Viagra here?" The pharmacist answers firmly, "Yes, sir. We certainly do." The man then asks, "Do you think I could get it over the counter?" The pharmacist thinks for a moment and then says, "Perhaps, if you took five or six pills at once you might."