Wifes Diary

Posted: 8/28/2015

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting strange. We went to a nice restaurant for dinner. I thought he was upset by the fact that I was a bit late, but he said nothing about it. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was something I had done. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, and again he said nothing. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm sure his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. Husband's Diary: Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.

Barry worked at the coal mine.

Posted: 8/22/2015

One day he was leaving work with a wheelbarrow which had a box on it. The guard, looking at him suspiciously, stopped him and asked, "What's inside that box?" Barry: "Nothing" The guard opened the box, saw it was empty and let Barry go. The next day the same thing happened. This kept going on for about a month, until some day when the guard stopped Barry and said, "Look, Barry. I know you're up to something. I think you're stealing something, but I don't know what. Just tell me what it is that you're doing, and I promise to let you go." Barry: "Every day I steal a new wheelbarrow. I use the box as a disguise."

Men are polite

Posted: 8/20/2015

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts

Holy Water

Posted: 7/29/2015

How do you make Holy Water ? You boil the hell out of it.

Genius vs Idiot

Posted: 7/15/2015

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" The idiot hands over $5.

Get out of a ticket

Posted: 7/10/2015

A police officer stops a car for speeding. "I'm sorry, but I have to give you a ticket. However, I won't fine you if you solve this riddle." says the officer. The man in the car accepts. "Okay then. It's nighttime, you're on a road and you see two lights approaching. What is it?" "A car", promptly answers the man. "That's too vague-", says the officer, "it can be any kind of car. I'll have to give you a ticket." "No!", says the man, "give me another chance." The officer agrees and says: "It's nighttime, you're on a road and you see a single light approaching. What is it?" "A motorbike", answers the man. "That's too vague-", answers again the officer, "it can be any kind of motorbike. I'm sorry but you failed again." "Oh come on! Give me a last chance!" says the man. The officer agrees again and says: "It's nighttime, you're on a road and you see two low and wide-apart lights. What is it?" "A truck", answers the man. But again, the officer says it's "too vague". So the man goes: "Considering that we're playing games, may I give you a riddle too?" "Okay" says the officer. The man proceeds then to tell: "It's nighttime, you're on a road and you see a flickering light. Close to it there is a young woman dressed in a revealing outfit. What is it?" "A whore", says the officer. "Too vague!", says the man, "It could be your mom, your sister, your wife..."

Blind Girlfriend

Posted: 7/6/2015

Broke up with my blind girlfriend She didn't see it coming

Hellen Keller

Posted: 7/1/2015

Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller fall off a cliff? She had mittens on.

broke up with my girlfriend who had a lazy eye

Posted: 6/29/2015

Turns out she was seeing someone on the side.

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